Unlikely Med Student

Blarg.

2010-02-01T21:56:00.003-06:00

Ever feel like you're running out of steam?

The past month has been hell on me and I don't suspect it will get any better any time soon. It's been chock full of emotions, disappointments, happiness and surprises... but now, I just want it to be over with. I want to be through with the exam in 2 weeks that will seal my fate. I want to be done with this Friday, so that I can move on from my hurt and sadness and focus on the next chapter of my life. I want to be... just.. at peace.. and right now, I can't find that.

I'd love to be able to pop a movie in anytime I want.. or go to the theater.. or go shopping or go to the spa... whenever I wanted. But.. nu-uh. I've signed myself up for the most depressing, emotional, stressful, complicated lifestyle imaginable.

Why? Because I want to help. Because I want to "be the change" that needs to be implemented into our healthcare systems so badly. Because I LOVE, love, LOVE learning.. and medicine.. and patients. I LOVE it.

But why am I struggling with it so much? Suppose it's partially because of my poor grades.. and my social life (which has taken a huge move to the back burner, but has it's effect on me and my brain.) and the winter. God, I love the winter.. but I'm ready for it to be spring. Seasonal Activity Disorder (SAD) is no laughing matter. *ba-da-bum* It really isn't. I've seen it affect me more and more as the years have gone by.

Ay.. time for a break.. and by break, I mean sleep.. and by sleep I mean.. stay up a couple more hours to review and then get in at least 2 sleep cycles before lecture.

It's gotta get better. Right? Or maybe I just need to adjust my attitude so that it *is* better... Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

A Reflection..

2009-12-24T09:07:00.005-06:00

As I sit here reflecting on the past 5 months, listening to Bing and Nat caroling their merry Christmastime melodies, smelling an amazing turkey in the oven, twinkling lights aglow upon the live evergreen tree that dons a Christmas angel that has been in our family for 40 years, I cannot help but realize how blessed I am -- and how vastly different my life is since this point last year. My life has made a complete 180 turn since last Christmas. Sure - I'd been accepted to Lincoln Memorial University - DeBusk College of Osteopathic Medicine (LMU-DCOM). Sure - my marriage was rocky. Sure - I had a few close friends in my hometown that I would sorely miss when the time came for me to move to greener pastures. Sure - I had an undeniably large family with three precious nieces. And yes, definitely, I had hours upon hours of free time... that, in the end, I took for granted.

Now, I am an OMS-0.5 (or an OMS-I if you want to be presumptuous) at LMU-DCOM. I'm on my way to a slightly painful divorce from my very best friend with whom I've remained as close as possible. I've made hundreds of friends in the past 5 months and have genuinely emerged from my introverted shell. I have a few new, very close friends while remaining true to my very best friends here. And now, I have the same very large family with an additional niece or nephew (v3.0) due for release in June 2010. And free time, ha. What is that? Well, I definitely couldn't tell you what it felt like before my semester ended a week ago.

There were times in the past 5 months where I've cried myself to sleep, wondering if I'd made the right decision by going to medical school. There have been times that I've wondered if I was going to even make it through the semester. There have been times that I've wondered if I was making a $60k mistake. But, there have been (MANY) times when I wouldn't want to change my life for all the money in the world. And there have definitely been countless times where I've laughed so hard I've cried, smiled so much my cheeks hurt and giggled until I felt like a 4 year old. My life is grand.

There have been a few academic setbacks as I've adjusted to the pace at which med school drives you. But I've prevailed. I've officially passed my first semester of medical school, even if not with the grades I'd expected at the beginning of the semester. But next semester, I've got it down. Right as the semester wound down, I realized my shortcomings and began to correct them.

Sexually charged mnemonics (hey, they worked). Tipton and his scooter. Toga parties. Mid-semester moving parties. Late hours in the anatomy lab and feeling famished after. Cursing my profs for their workload.. and myself for taking it for granted. $2 movies. La Esperanza and Pelanchos all. the. time. Mmm... Purple. Withdrawal from the SGA race. Drama, drama, drama. Bob-Hugs. The Vortex. Red Lights. Waffle King. Swimming. Going to bed early at 3am. Ripping a screen out and my neighbor crawling through my 2nd story window the second night I'd moved into my apartment because my crappy landlord told me to crash on someone's couch because he was too lazy to bring me a spare. Journey before every exam. The Post. The "unk." "Can you hear me in the back?" Live anatomy fashion show. "You need to stop being strong and just cry." My little blue dog.

So, so so many memories over the past 5 months and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my DCOM family. I love my girls.. my guys.. my profs and my school. And I'm proud to be an LMU-DCOM Med student and Railsplitter.

Merry Christmas to all. To my classmates: it's an honor. enjoy your break and I'll see you in the new year. To my family: I love you.. thank you so very much for supporting me throughout my endeavors. To my girls: Can't wait to see you. We'll set the place on fire.

Be blessed.

Studying in med school...

2009-10-01T01:03:00.001-05:00

"Studying in med school is a lot like being really really drunk and then trying to have sex; you don't ever really finish, you just sort of do what you can and then pass out after awhile."

My Birthday Present from DCOM...

2009-09-22T00:28:00.002-05:00

Today (9/22) is my birthday.

I couldn't be more excited for a multitude of reasons:

1. I'm finally getting this stuff.
2. I'm happy and surrounded by tons of wonderful people.
3. DeBusk College of Osteopathic Medicine is celebrating my birthday by giving me my first patient interaction! In about 16 hours, I get to have my first OSCE (Objective Structured Clinical Exam - or Standardized Patient). I'm SOOOO excited! I cannot wait!

Will certainly let you know how it goes.

And if you haven't noticed - it takes forever for me to update. Sigh, I just don't think about it.

Plenty to write about... but it's going to the wayside at the moment.

2009-09-11T20:21:00.001-05:00

Despite the fact that I am ridiculously frustrated... I love it here.. and wouldn't have it any other way.

Will write soon..

The first month...

2009-08-25T20:14:00.004-05:00

So I've survived my first four weeks of medical school.. my first written exam, my first team exam (barely), and my first lab practical. And I'm thriving. I love it here. I love every single thing I'm learning. Perhaps a bit of it is aggravating simply because of the professor's methodology, but overall I'm doing quite well.

We haven't received our exam grades, but I feel pretty confident about them. I'm either right or I'm waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off and I totally tanked it.

The brachial plexus is amazing... and histology is certainly not my favorite. I'd have to say that my favorite classes are anatomy and osteopathic principles and practice. :)

I've met tons and tons of people here.. some pretty awesome people.. many different backgrounds and ethnicities -- people from every region of the country.

I'm staying incredibly busy between school work and going to walmart - it's the only thing to do here! Small town = nothing. But that's a good thing!

I'm going home this weekend for the first time since before school started. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I think I'd rather stay here. I don't really have a terrible amount of studying to do, but I think I just like being here and on my own so much that I'd rather stay. BUT it will be good to see my nieces and family.

I'm having car issues... which is such a burden. I think if I hadn't had problems with it this weekend, I would have done a bit better on my lab practical 'cause I would have been able to focus on studying for it. Instead I was worrying about purchasing a new car or getting mine fixed. The ECM went out on it and it's going to cost $1000 for the part. I only have $3000 invested in the car, so.. I think it would be more logical to purchase a new one. BUT... since I'm a medical student and I have no reportable income, no one will finance a vehicle for me. Sigh.. My car drives okay for now.. but who knows when it will give out? That's the only thing frustrating me right now.

Hm.. I don't really have much more to say.. White Coat is a month from today! My first OSCE (Objective structured clinical examination) is on my birthday, which is in less than a month. I get to go home and practice my clinical skills this weekend. That's exciting! I'm not entirely comfortable with practicing on people that I don't know as well. Obviously, that has to change... but I'm easing into it. :)

Goodnight and good luck!

Exam I

2009-08-21T06:04:00.002-05:00

My first exam is in ~1 hour.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel. I've been really relaxed about everything up to this point. Maybe it's a bad thing... maybe not. I just feel like I'm in the right place and that nothing can go wrong... but I could be way off base. I've studied. I've memorized. I've done all sorts of things. But no matter how much I memorize or study or try to regurgitate, I can't fit it all into my head. No one can.

So, with that being said.. Wish me luck. I'm coming home and blogging about this experience as soon as I make it home. I'm so excited to have this exam over with because I've let my apartment get trashed as I've studied. Books and school stuff are ALL OVER the place.

Ah. Wow. I can't believe I'm here.

Today...

2009-07-28T16:58:00.003-05:00

I officially became a medical student at DeBusk College of Osteopathic Medicine at Lincoln Memorial University.

Today.. I received my ID, parking tag and some kickass swag.
Today.. I received a piece of paper stating my present indebtedness. ((gasp))
Today.. I was recognized by the Dean of Students as one of the first accepted to the class of 2013.
Today.. I met a lot of neat people from completely varying backgrounds.
Today.. I was fitted for my White Coat and stood in a mirror with it on. I nearly cried.
Today.. I was told by DCOM's benefactor, Pete DeBusk, that the next few years would be like trying to drink from a fire hose.

Today.. I said, "Bring it on. This is my blessing and I'm ready for it."

So here's to my calling.. and becoming a medical student. :)

It's almost here...

2009-07-19T16:11:00.003-05:00

So, the last time that I posted was in April... and I still had a few months to go before school started.. I was dealing with financial aid issues at the time.

Welp, I have those straightened out.. and I have an apartment.. and nearly 60k in loans.... and...

School starts in 9 days.

Yeah, I'm incredibly overwhelmed. I'm nervous.. anxious.. excited. I can't wait to see what this adventure entails, but at the same time, I'm afraid of all the changes I am making to my life. Change isn't something that I deal with very easily right now.. but I'm working on it.

There have been many hardships over the past few months... and still more that I have to face. But I'm getting there. One day at a time. That's all that I can do.

Wow, well.. here's to this rollercoaster. Hopefully I'll start blogging more once I have more interesting things to blog about. :)

Quote

2009-04-22T14:25:00.002-05:00

Via itsonlythewind.

When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always be worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better. — unknown

Couldn't be more accurate.

Ghosts from the past...

2009-04-21T11:59:00.004-05:00

I always knew my past would come back to haunt me. Always.

When I was 18, I ran off with a boy in the military and got married against everyone's wishes. We moved to California, bought a car, lived on base and all that jazz. He was deployed to Iraq and came back to father three children (none of which were mine) prior to our divorce. During the time that he spent sewing his seed, he defaulted on the car loan (I was not in possession of it) that I had cosigned on. That's been five years ago.

Well.. now, when my life is semi-on track, it comes back to bite me. Right on the ass. I applied for my Grad PLUS loans, which will help to cover cost of living while I'm in school this year... and my credit wasn't automatically approved. I was notified that my credit would be reviewed and action would be taken based upon the decision. Fail. My entire cost of living is in that loan..

I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm annoyed. I'm disappointed. And I'm doubting myself. I'm doubting that this is my path. My mistakes are so many but I have always prevailed despite them. Until now.. But what now? and WHY now? why couldn't it have bit me on the butt when I was going through the rest of my life?

And my mom, bless her, isn't the most optimistic person. She's the queen of demotivation. I told her yesterday that it was based on a credit check and I was worried about his car being on there. "You're screwed." she said. Thanks, mom.

So, now I'm lost. I don't know what to do. Waiting is always the hardest.. but I already know they'll say no. I guess I am screwed.

Hopefully..

2009-03-28T23:42:00.001-05:00

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn’t know you had inside you. And it doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends … you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes, you can even convince yourself that he’ll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you’ll go somewhere new. And you’ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

http://littlemiss.tumblr.com/post/59696157/i-understand-feeling-as-small-and-as-insignificant

An abode.

2009-03-20T08:38:00.001-05:00

Well -

I now officially have a place to live when I go to medical school. Hip hip hooray!

Now I just have to come up with rent for the next few months.. blah.

My experience with EMR

2009-03-18T20:30:00.001-05:00

When I was originally hired as a "file clerk," they hired me because they were at least two months behind on their charts. Referring physicians were not receiving their OV notes until at least a month after the appointment. This was in early 2005. That summer, they moved to another building with "more" space for their records (as well as to accommodate their growing practice). This included shelving on tracks that would allow a more space-efficient filing system. Before we moved charts to the new building, our office manager had us to do a estimated count of charts. From the years 2002-2005, more charts were counted than space was available in the new building's space-efficient filing system. This was before we'd even moved in! Within months, we had the 2002 charts boxed up and moved to the basement.

As a file clerk, I would spend many of my Saturdays and after-hours faxing office notes and binding them into the charts. We were seldom ever caught up on paperwork. After all the charts were bound and ready to be filed, it would take an entire day to file them into our new shelving unit.

In January 2007, we began the transition to EMR: preparing our computer system, speaking with representatives, implementing software and training. Six months later, we "went live." What a fiasco.

In the end, it took about 6-9 months to iron out the wrinkles. Three months later, I was laid off from my job as "file clerk" due to lack of work. There were no charts to bind, office notes were faxed via the computer in about 20 minutes, and no charts to file in the ridiculous space-efficient shelving system.

Despite the fact that I lost my job, I cannot tell you just how much EMR helped my former employers' practice. From a receptionist point of view, it makes phone calls, refills, questions, and records requests so much more efficient. From a clinical point of view, it's a lot easier to mark check boxes, type abbreviations and review patient history with the touch of a button.

As a student of the class of 2013, it is my hope that by the time I am ready to practice (~2017) that EMR will be a permanent, essential component to medical practices across the country.

Whew, mouthful.

I'm a bad blogger.

2009-03-16T21:50:00.003-05:00

Dr. Rob's post makes me realize what a poor blogger I am. Believe me, I do like blogging quite a lot. But I'm guilty of being a poor blogger. Maybe that's why I only have three people following my blog. ha.

I have plenty of things on my mind, but don't feel that this forum is the best venue to make them available. Lots of family issues, school issues, unemployment issues, money issues. Lots. But I really feel that I shouldn't bore you with it. I'm not charming. I'm not witty. And this blog definitely isn't themed -- yet. I'd say that once I start school, things will have a bit more continuity.

I'm stuck mulling over my living situation, my finances and my future. And right now, I'm not ready to share that. It's too sensitive. Maybe soon.

Although I will publicly announce that if anyone has information regarding rentals in the DCOM area, comment me. I'm beginning to get desperate.

3 months till I need to move. It's hard to believe. 4 months till my life is turned upside down.

But for now, I'll remain here in blogland with sporadic posts about random things and hope that one day I'll find the motivation to be a good blogger. :)

Edit: Oh, oh yeah... follow me on Twitter.

It's been a while..

2009-02-06T09:32:00.002-06:00

Wow, have I ever been busy.

Between trying to find a job and a house/apartment at DCOM, taking my additional physics class and getting everything lined up for school, I've been busy, busy!

Unfortunately, however, the only fruit of my labor is a bruised arm from a blood draw when I had my physical. I bruise easily. Very easily. It doesn't matter how good the nurse is at sticking, I'll bruise. What started out yesterday as a bruise the size of my thumbnail has grown into a bruise the length and width of my entire thumb. Blah.

I'm waiting on a response from a lady that has a gorgeous house up for sale at DCOM. I am absolutely in love with it. I'm mainly looking to rent, but this house.. wow. It's captivated me. But, I haven't heard anything from her.. and I'm a very impatient person. I'm sure once it gets closer to time to move (Early/mid July!!!), I'll find something. I just don't want to get behind and be left scrambling for a place to live.

Ah well, such is life. I guess it's time to go take a physics quiz and enjoy my weekend. Can't wait.

Not Cancer!

2009-01-23T10:43:00.001-06:00

Willow doesn't have cancer! (Well the vet wasn't 100% sure, but the labs were clear)

She's still passing a little blood, but we're keeping her on antibiotics for another 10 days and if things get worse, we'll go from there, but right now, she's just dandy and cancer free!!!!

My big, yellow dog...

2009-01-17T11:43:00.004-06:00

My big, golden yellow dog.. Willow, is 8 years old. I've been vying to get her sprung from solitary (i.e. on a tie-out, outside.. miserable) so that she could come live with us for months now...

And finally, it happened. Thursday night was so cold, we decided to get a crate and bring her home with us. She adjusted perfectly.

I woke up this morning to find my husband couldn't catch her to take her outside... and that she'd peed in the floor. She's always been well housetrained. Problem is... there was blood in her urine.

I called the emergency vet, took her there.. and after two hours, am left empty. She definitely has an infection. A bad one. But then there were also a lot of bladder cells that had sloughed off into her urine (plus a blood clot).

Long story short.. my vet wants to recheck on Friday after a round of antibiotics. However, with her age, we're checking for bladder cancer. He told me she had a 50/50 chance.. and wanted to prepare me for the worst.

I don't quite know what to do. I feel so empty. I just want to cry.. constantly.. and bury my face in her fur. She has been my best friend for 8 years now... I don't want to have to let her go.

Reality

2009-01-15T15:41:00.003-06:00

No, I'm not dreaming.

This is real.

I'm going to med school. I'm going to be a doctor. W-o-W.

I received my matriculation packet in the mail yesterday. Holy cow. Gotta get on the ball. School starts at the end of July and my white coat ceremony is the weekend following my birthday! (yay!)

Now, I just have to figure everything else out...

That's going to be the not-so-fun part.

to HPSP or no?

2009-01-11T20:25:00.002-06:00

I've been struggling with this.... (joining the NAVY for the HPSP program.)

Particularly today.

I can't decide whether or not the monetary benefits, prestige, and stability are worth it. It's an excellent opportunity. When I was in San Diego, I had to go to the Naval Hospital and I absolutely loved the staff there. I always thought it would be "cool" to be a Navy doc. But now that I have the opportunity to do it, there's one thing standing in my way.

I don't mind being told what to do or where to go, as long as I have a slight bit of say in it (choosing my specialty). I don't mind the unlikely possibility of going on a GMO tour. I don't mind base housing or military pay or any of the military life stigmas, because I've experienced it firsthand already. In fact, I'd love to join and live in officer housing as opposed to enlisted. I'd love to travel the world. I'd love to help those military wives who (as I briefly experienced firsthand before my ex came back and fathered three children, none obviously with me) endure so very much and receive so very little in return. That would be an honor.

I had been pretty gung-ho about it until this evening. My parents are staying with my brother and sister in law out of town in order to help my SIL out with the kids while my brother finishes up an important project. I have to go down and feed the animals while they are away. I went down today and my mom had left me a note. She gave me a list of instructions (water plants, put the mail on the bed, etc) and the last was "Always keep in your heart that I love you." And I seriously lost it.

I'm so close to my parents and it's so hard to imagine that I'll be leaving them. I'd give up anything just to make sure that they are cared for. My mom turned 68 this year and my dad turned 76. I don't know how much time I have left with them. They are at least somewhat healthy, but both have their problems.

If I remained a civilian, I would have more flexibility with my internship and residency as well as my location after completion. I will also have accrued approximately $250,000 in debt. I could work for a rural program in my family's area which would help some with loan forgiveness/repayment. But, I would be closer to my parents and have the ability to be near them in the event of illness. Not to mention the ability to take a leave of absence if necessary.

If I were to go the NAVY route, I would have very little flexibility with location of my internship/residency (one of ~3 sites - VA, MD and CA). Once I went active duty after my residency, I could be stationed in one of a plethora of beautiful places, but it is likely that I would have very little say in where I went. The kicker here is that I would be absolutely, positively debt free. But, it would be very difficult (if even possible) to take an emergency leave of absence if the need were to arise.

So, I don't know. Sometimes I wish I could just give up everything and move back with them and take care of them. They're by no means helpless, but I'd do anything for them. Anything. Here I am. Stuck, again, between a rock and a hard place. If anyone has any advice for me, I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm so lost right now.

I'm baaaaaack...

2009-01-05T00:58:00.003-06:00

Just got back from LOVELY, LOVELY New York & New Jersey.

What an amazing week. Wow. I really got to enjoy myself. I completely vegged the first few days.. walked around, visited sites, did NOTHING. It was awesome.

I finally got the courage to go to the City by myself on Saturday and I wish I'd had more time to visit it. It wasn't as intimidating as everyone had made it out to be. hah.

I'll upload some more pictures at some point. But, right now, I'm tired from traveling all day.

Note: Empire State Building from the pier beside the hotel I stayed at. Sorry, it's a little crooked - need to do some editing to my graphics before I have them printed. :)

Dear anonymous..

2008-12-26T20:30:00.002-06:00

In the profound words of Thumper the rabbit (ca. 1942, Bambi):

"If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."

Duly note as well that from now on, anonymous posting of comments will be disabled.

Start spreadin' the news...

2008-12-23T09:27:00.003-06:00

... I'm leavin' today (well... a week and a day from today.)

After all of the stresses of this past year and all of the excitements, I decided I needed a vacation - particularly before school started. After lots of coaxing, my hubbadub decided that he'd be okay with me going on a solo trip.

I've got to be a part of it....

Soooo... I'll be going to New York City in the very near future! I've never been to New York so it will definitely be an adventure.

Squee! Merry Christmas Eve's Eve, everyone!

Without Christmas Spirit..

2008-12-07T11:08:00.003-06:00

It doesn't feel like Christmastime to me. I don't know why. I don't feel like putting up lights or decorations. I just don't feel like being Christmasy this year. Hmmph.

Well, at least for now. I've got the tree up, but that's it. It makes me sad because I've always been incredibly excited about Christmas. Of course, this year I decorated the tree by myself and haven't helped my parents with their tree, but.. meh. It doesn't feel like Christmas.

Blah. I'm just down in the dumps. Something feels off. My dad is sick, so that makes me worry (not to mention my mom over-worries, which makes me worry even more).

Ah well, I'm looking forward to next Christmas; that's for sure. I'll be at DCOM, halfway through OMS I! Who knows how different my life will be then, but I'm excited. I have a feeling being in the Christmas spirit is the only thing that will keep me going next year!

Anyone else just feel "bleh" sometimes at Christmas?

Oh, and I'm quitting my job next week. Surely that will make me feel more spirited. It's not worth $6.55/hr to destroy my back.

Hey, MammaDoc

2008-12-03T06:27:00.002-06:00

You should make your blog open to comments! I'd love to leave you comments on your recent blogs.

For now, it's time for work. But, just a thought!

Thankful...

2008-11-26T21:21:00.003-06:00

Wow, I have lots of things to be thankful for this year. LOTS. Here's the list version:

My parents being around for another Turkey Day.
My parents being around for another day.
My parents.
Being accepted to medical school.
Being accepted to a medical school that is only two and a half hours away from my family.
Having a roof over my head and shoes on my feet.
My darling animals.
My hubba-dub.
My three wonderful nieces.
My handsome nephew with whom I share my birthday.
My health, despite my complaints. I could have it so much worse.
My friends.
My two brothers and sister.
Their significant others.
My independent spirit.

Le sigh. I'm sure there's more. But I'm tired.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. :)

Erg.

2008-11-25T21:00:00.002-06:00

I've been dreading writing here because I don't want to come across as bitchy or lazy. But, the fact remains that my new job is the pits.

For two years, I struggled with back problems.. saw countless M.D.s, (neuro, ortho, fp), three chiropractors, a physical therapist and a massage therapist and had multiple MRIs, xrays, and an EMG... All concluding similar diagnoses: lumbar radiculopathy of unknown origin. No one knew why I couldn't sit for more than 30 minutes at a time or walk more than 1/4 mile. I received many different treatments, some of which seemed to exacerbate my symptoms. I finally wheedled away at all of my treatments until I was only seeing a massage therapist weekly. It got to the point that IBU and Naproxen didn't help since I'd taken so many over the course of two years. That's when, in March, I lost my job at Cardiology. They laid me off due to "lack of work." *cough*bullshit*cough*

After I lost my job, I couldn't afford the $60/wk for my massages. So, I stopped going. After a short while, I noticed my symptoms were lessening and eventually, I got better. Well, better for the most part. I still had flare ups, but nowhere near as intense and debilitating. That's where I've been for the past 8 months.

And now, I'm working retail at Christmastime. What better time of year to start a job in retail, right? No. Not if you're 24 but feel 50 with a bad back. Twisting. Turning. Bending. Lifting. Standing for 6 hours straight less a 15 minute break. And all for, what? $6.55/hour. Right, because 20ish hours a week at $6.55 is going to help me build a tiny med school nest egg over the coming months.

Sigh.. suffice to say, my back hurts tonight after my 6 hour shift. I'm not as agile as I used to be. I don't have the stamina. This isn't my forte anymore. Maybe my OMM profs will have a field day with my back when I get there. But, as for now, I don't know how much longer I can handle this job. (Not to mention being bossed around by kids that are 6+ years younger than I am).

Le sigh... Hopefully I'll hear something from the Physical Therapy place to which I sent my resume.

I'm knackered...

2008-11-19T17:51:00.001-06:00

Sigh.. I'm too tired to complain too much. But, started my lovely part time retail job today.

Sucks. Bad.

I'll write more later...

How this happened...

2008-11-16T11:40:00.000-06:00

I'm incredibly surprised at the events of the past few months. Here's my story. You might be surprised, too.

I received my B.S. in Biology/Chemistry in May 2007. I decided that the quick fix to finding a job in this area with a Biology degree was to get my license to teach. So, I got married in October 2007 and started my licensure requirements in January 2008. It wasn't bad, really. But, it wasn't good, either. There was no challenge to the classes. It wasn't fulfilling. I had so much more to offer to the community and to myself. I trudged on through spring and summer semester, but at the end of the summer, I was spent. I was tired of the ~~classwork~~ -- busy work, lack of respect, and all the red tape and politics that education entails. I decided I would get my M.S. in Biology and eventually my Ph.D. in Environmental Science. I got the ball rolling by setting up interviews with a few potential graduate advisors.

The final advisor I was to meet with, Dr. B, was a wonderful, exuberant man with whom I shared a lot of common interests. During our interview, he asked me, "After all this is said and done, and you've received your Ph.D., what is your ultimate goal?" My gut reaction was, "I want to help people." I wrestled with this for a minute, How can you help people with a Ph.D. in Enviro Sci, Hope? The answer was, I can't. I can't make the impact that I believe I can make. In the end, I responded to him with, "I want to help." Leave off the "people" and it sounds good to a biology advisor, right? But in my mind, I knew that wasn't what I should be doing.

Having had this conversation left me confused because I knew that my ultimate goals could not be achieved with a Ph.D. in environmental. So, I sat down and IMed with a friend that is in medical school about my dilemma. He recommended that I apply to medical school. I had all the pre-req's. I'm smart. I'm compassionate - why not? It's something I'd always considered, but never had enough confidence.

So, in early August 2008, I decided to take the MCAT and apply to school.

This is where I was confronted with a dilemma. My parents are elderly. I'm very, very close to them and a terrible worrywart. So, I had to find schools that are relatively close. When you live in the middle of Tennessee, your closest options are ETSU (Quillen), Vanderbilt (pfft), and UTHSC in Memphis. Applying this late in the season really didn't give me much of a chance for those three schools. But, I applied anyway. At that point, I had been in the camp of people who believe D.O.s are lesser counterparts to M.D.s, so I didn't think about D.O. school. At least for a week or two. My old Organic prof/pre-med advisor suggested a couple of relatively close Osteopathic schools (Pikeville, West Virginia, DeBusk and Edward Via). What the heck. I needed to see what all the hype was about. Surely a D.O. couldn't be as good as a M.D.? Right? Way, way, way wrong.

I researched the role of a D.O. and was completely blown away. Imagine this - they actually care about their patients. They listen to them. They consider the whole body, rather than the symptoms. They get the exact same education as a M.D. aaaand, they get this really cool tool added to their toolbelt called Osteopathic Manipulative Technique (OMT). In essence, OMT is manipulation of the bones and muscles similar to chiropractic treatment but much less intense. I was all in. I was hooked. Osteopathy, I decided, was perfect for me. So I applied through AACOMAS to two D.O. schools, Lincoln Memorial University - DeBusk College of Osteopathic Medicine (LMU-DCOM) and Virginia Tech, Edward Via Virginia College of Osteopathic Medicine (VCOM).

I took the MCAT on September 6th. One of the last dates you could take the MCAT. The entire month of August, I studied my brains out. I went through an entire Kaplan MCAT book in a month, had provisional materials and a whole bunch of other books on subjects (specifically Physics) in which I was a bit deficient. I walked out of the MCAT feeling as if I'd received a lobotomy, but I was relieved. I was done with the MCAT and all it entailed.

After I had taken the MCAT, I met with my pre-professional advisor and he gave me some information on the Universities that would be coming to talk to the pre-med students at my Alma Mater. One of the visitors was Dr. Jonathan Leo of DeBusk College of Osteopathic Medicine. He was to visit our school on October 7th, the same day that I received my MCAT results.

So, I got in my Sunday Best, went to the school and bombarded him with questions about the school while all of the little froshies sat back in amazement. I wasn't afraid. I was excited and intrigued by the school. It was close, with excellent, brand new facilities and so high tech it would blow your socks off. I spoke with him again after his lecture and he told me to get my secondary in as soon as possible.

I received my MCAT score later that evening. I was quite disappointed. I made a 23P, and was told by fellow med students that it wasn't that bad. I sent in my Supplemental to DCOM a few days later, four to be exact (on a Saturday). It took me a while to regain my composure after I received my score. I swear I thought I did better than that. The following Thursday, at 8 a.m., I received a phone call from a number with no caller ID. I couldn't hear anyone on the other line, so I hung up. This happened twice. I dismissed it as a wrong number or a prank caller and went about my day. At 10 a.m., I checked my e-mail and had an e-mail from Amy (I love Amy, she's dealt with so much from me) in admissions at DCOM. She wanted to set up an interview (!!) and asked me to call her. My heart was racing as I talked to her. We set up the interview short notice for the following Monday (10/20).

Monday came and my interview was wonderful. The night before, I met with some DCOM students at Oasis (a local pizza dive). I wasn't worried. I wasn't nervous. Being at DCOM just felt... right. The next day, I was likely the most calm person in the room as the other students practiced breathing techniques and rambled on nervously about their ECs and their Alma Maters. My interview with Drs. Routman and Fitzovich went off without a hitch. We chatted about Halloween ad all sorts of things, and when the interview was over, I felt as if I'd known these wonderful gentlemen for years. That was nice. We toured the facilities, which were above and beyond the pictures that the website hosts. Wow. I was in LOVE.

The drive back to my house (2 and a half hours away) was so easy. The trees were gorgeous, and the mountains. Oh, man. I loved it there. Bottom line.

I was in love with DCOM.

After I got back from DCOM, I had to go about getting my letters of recommendation (LORs) from my pre-professional committee and an Osteopathic physician. Talk about a pain. It was awful. My pre-prof committee interviewer was condescending and rude. But I made sure to straighten him out pretty quickly. It took almost 3 weeks for DCOM to received my LORs.

On November 5, I received an e-mail from Amy saying that all of my materials were in. (woo!) Adcom met the next day and I received a phone call from Dean Stowers at 4 p.m. on Friday. He offered me a spot in the incoming class!

So, here I am. Fixing to make a deposit on the biggest change of my life. I've received rejection letters from all of my allopathic schools. Oh, darn. Hate it. And I have withdrawn my application from VCOM. I'm ready for DCOM. Beyond ready.

After seeing tremendous amounts of unconcerned, greedy, selfish doctors in the past 24 years, my motto is simple. Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." And that is what I hope to do.