The past month has been hell on me and I don't suspect it will get any better any time soon. It's been chock full of emotions, disappointments, happiness and surprises... but now, I just want it to be over with. I want to be through with the exam in 2 weeks that will seal my fate. I want to be done with this Friday, so that I can move on from my hurt and sadness and focus on the next chapter of my life. I want to be... just.. at peace.. and right now, I can't find that.
I'd love to be able to pop a movie in anytime I want.. or go to the theater.. or go shopping or go to the spa... whenever I wanted. But.. nu-uh. I've signed myself up for the most depressing, emotional, stressful, complicated lifestyle imaginable.
Why? Because I want to help. Because I want to "be the change" that needs to be implemented into our healthcare systems so badly. Because I LOVE, love, LOVE learning.. and medicine.. and patients. I LOVE it.
But why am I struggling with it so much? Suppose it's partially because of my poor grades.. and my social life (which has taken a huge move to the back burner, but has it's effect on me and my brain.) and the winter. God, I love the winter.. but I'm ready for it to be spring. Seasonal Activity Disorder (SAD) is no laughing matter. *ba-da-bum* It really isn't. I've seen it affect me more and more as the years have gone by.
Ay.. time for a break.. and by break, I mean sleep.. and by sleep I mean.. stay up a couple more hours to review and then get in at least 2 sleep cycles before lecture.
It's gotta get better. Right? Or maybe I just need to adjust my attitude so that it *is* better... Yeah, I think that's a good idea.