Not Cancer!

Willow doesn't have cancer! (Well the vet wasn't 100% sure, but the labs were clear)

She's still passing a little blood, but we're keeping her on antibiotics for another 10 days and if things get worse, we'll go from there, but right now, she's just dandy and cancer free!!!!

My big, yellow dog...

My big, golden yellow dog.. Willow, is 8 years old. I've been vying to get her sprung from solitary (i.e. on a tie-out, outside.. miserable) so that she could come live with us for months now...

And finally, it happened. Thursday night was so cold, we decided to get a crate and bring her home with us. She adjusted perfectly.

I woke up this morning to find my husband couldn't catch her to take her outside... and that she'd peed in the floor. She's always been well housetrained. Problem is... there was blood in her urine.

I called the emergency vet, took her there.. and after two hours, am left empty. She definitely has an infection. A bad one. But then there were also a lot of bladder cells that had sloughed off into her urine (plus a blood clot).

Long story short.. my vet wants to recheck on Friday after a round of antibiotics. However, with her age, we're checking for bladder cancer. He told me she had a 50/50 chance.. and wanted to prepare me for the worst.

I don't quite know what to do. I feel so empty. I just want to cry.. constantly.. and bury my face in her fur. She has been my best friend for 8 years now... I don't want to have to let her go.

Reality

No, I'm not dreaming.

This is real.

I'm going to med school. I'm going to be a doctor. W-o-W.

I received my matriculation packet in the mail yesterday. Holy cow. Gotta get on the ball. School starts at the end of July and my white coat ceremony is the weekend following my birthday! (yay!)

Now, I just have to figure everything else out...

That's going to be the not-so-fun part.

to HPSP or no?

I've been struggling with this.... (joining the NAVY for the HPSP program.)

Particularly today.

I can't decide whether or not the monetary benefits, prestige, and stability are worth it. It's an excellent opportunity. When I was in San Diego, I had to go to the Naval Hospital and I absolutely loved the staff there. I always thought it would be "cool" to be a Navy doc. But now that I have the opportunity to do it, there's one thing standing in my way.

I don't mind being told what to do or where to go, as long as I have a slight bit of say in it (choosing my specialty). I don't mind the unlikely possibility of going on a GMO tour. I don't mind base housing or military pay or any of the military life stigmas, because I've experienced it firsthand already. In fact, I'd love to join and live in officer housing as opposed to enlisted. I'd love to travel the world. I'd love to help those military wives who (as I briefly experienced firsthand before my ex came back and fathered three children, none obviously with me) endure so very much and receive so very little in return. That would be an honor.

I had been pretty gung-ho about it until this evening. My parents are staying with my brother and sister in law out of town in order to help my SIL out with the kids while my brother finishes up an important project. I have to go down and feed the animals while they are away. I went down today and my mom had left me a note. She gave me a list of instructions (water plants, put the mail on the bed, etc) and the last was "Always keep in your heart that I love you." And I seriously lost it.

I'm so close to my parents and it's so hard to imagine that I'll be leaving them. I'd give up anything just to make sure that they are cared for. My mom turned 68 this year and my dad turned 76. I don't know how much time I have left with them. They are at least somewhat healthy, but both have their problems.

If I remained a civilian, I would have more flexibility with my internship and residency as well as my location after completion. I will also have accrued approximately $250,000 in debt. I could work for a rural program in my family's area which would help some with loan forgiveness/repayment. But, I would be closer to my parents and have the ability to be near them in the event of illness. Not to mention the ability to take a leave of absence if necessary.

If I were to go the NAVY route, I would have very little flexibility with location of my internship/residency (one of ~3 sites - VA, MD and CA). Once I went active duty after my residency, I could be stationed in one of a plethora of beautiful places, but it is likely that I would have very little say in where I went. The kicker here is that I would be absolutely, positively debt free. But, it would be very difficult (if even possible) to take an emergency leave of absence if the need were to arise.

So, I don't know. Sometimes I wish I could just give up everything and move back with them and take care of them. They're by no means helpless, but I'd do anything for them. Anything. Here I am. Stuck, again, between a rock and a hard place. If anyone has any advice for me, I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm so lost right now.

I'm baaaaaack...

Just got back from LOVELY, LOVELY New York & New Jersey.

What an amazing week. Wow. I really got to enjoy myself. I completely vegged the first few days.. walked around, visited sites, did NOTHING. It was awesome.

I finally got the courage to go to the City by myself on Saturday and I wish I'd had more time to visit it. It wasn't as intimidating as everyone had made it out to be. hah.

I'll upload some more pictures at some point. But, right now, I'm tired from traveling all day.

Note: Empire State Building from the pier beside the hotel I stayed at. Sorry, it's a little crooked - need to do some editing to my graphics before I have them printed. :)