Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Ghosts from the past...

I always knew my past would come back to haunt me. Always.

When I was 18, I ran off with a boy in the military and got married against everyone's wishes. We moved to California, bought a car, lived on base and all that jazz. He was deployed to Iraq and came back to father three children (none of which were mine) prior to our divorce. During the time that he spent sewing his seed, he defaulted on the car loan (I was not in possession of it) that I had cosigned on. That's been five years ago.

Well.. now, when my life is semi-on track, it comes back to bite me. Right on the ass. I applied for my Grad PLUS loans, which will help to cover cost of living while I'm in school this year... and my credit wasn't automatically approved. I was notified that my credit would be reviewed and action would be taken based upon the decision. Fail. My entire cost of living is in that loan..

I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm annoyed. I'm disappointed. And I'm doubting myself. I'm doubting that this is my path. My mistakes are so many but I have always prevailed despite them. Until now.. But what now? and WHY now? why couldn't it have bit me on the butt when I was going through the rest of my life?

And my mom, bless her, isn't the most optimistic person. She's the queen of demotivation. I told her yesterday that it was based on a credit check and I was worried about his car being on there. "You're screwed." she said. Thanks, mom.

So, now I'm lost. I don't know what to do. Waiting is always the hardest.. but I already know they'll say no. I guess I am screwed.


MammaDoc said...

Don't give up. You can get past this. If the absolute worst happens, defer you acceptance, and spend a year fixing this mess. Just don't lose sight of your goal. You've come too far to turn back now.

There is a quote that has been of immense help to me of late. "The brick walls are not there to keep you out, they are there to keep the people who don't want it enough out."

I'm currently trying to find my way around my own terrible brick wall. You can find your way as well. Just don't give up.

Hope said...

Thanks, MammaD. I really appreciate the quote. I'm a sucker for good ones. That's definitely true.

I need strength.. and I need a lot of things to get figured out, because boy, what a mess it is! Maybe a deferment isn't a bad option... I'm just afraid they wouldn't let me.

Things will work out for you as well. You can do this and so can I. Never give up. Ever.

Stew said...

I wouldn't stress too much. I'm told that when you aren't approved right away that they'll still give you the dough, just at a bit higher rate. I'm sure you'll be fine. That is rough though...