It's almost here...

So, the last time that I posted was in April... and I still had a few months to go before school started.. I was dealing with financial aid issues at the time.

Welp, I have those straightened out.. and I have an apartment.. and nearly 60k in loans.... and...

School starts in 9 days.

Yeah, I'm incredibly overwhelmed. I'm nervous.. anxious.. excited. I can't wait to see what this adventure entails, but at the same time, I'm afraid of all the changes I am making to my life. Change isn't something that I deal with very easily right now.. but I'm working on it.

There have been many hardships over the past few months... and still more that I have to face. But I'm getting there. One day at a time. That's all that I can do.

Wow, well.. here's to this rollercoaster. Hopefully I'll start blogging more once I have more interesting things to blog about. :)

Ghosts from the past...

I always knew my past would come back to haunt me. Always.

When I was 18, I ran off with a boy in the military and got married against everyone's wishes. We moved to California, bought a car, lived on base and all that jazz. He was deployed to Iraq and came back to father three children (none of which were mine) prior to our divorce. During the time that he spent sewing his seed, he defaulted on the car loan (I was not in possession of it) that I had cosigned on. That's been five years ago.

Well.. now, when my life is semi-on track, it comes back to bite me. Right on the ass. I applied for my Grad PLUS loans, which will help to cover cost of living while I'm in school this year... and my credit wasn't automatically approved. I was notified that my credit would be reviewed and action would be taken based upon the decision. Fail. My entire cost of living is in that loan..

I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm annoyed. I'm disappointed. And I'm doubting myself. I'm doubting that this is my path. My mistakes are so many but I have always prevailed despite them. Until now.. But what now? and WHY now? why couldn't it have bit me on the butt when I was going through the rest of my life?

And my mom, bless her, isn't the most optimistic person. She's the queen of demotivation. I told her yesterday that it was based on a credit check and I was worried about his car being on there. "You're screwed." she said. Thanks, mom.

So, now I'm lost. I don't know what to do. Waiting is always the hardest.. but I already know they'll say no. I guess I am screwed.