A Reflection..

As I sit here reflecting on the past 5 months, listening to Bing and Nat caroling their merry Christmastime melodies, smelling an amazing turkey in the oven, twinkling lights aglow upon the live evergreen tree that dons a Christmas angel that has been in our family for 40 years, I cannot help but realize how blessed I am -- and how vastly different my life is since this point last year. My life has made a complete 180 turn since last Christmas. Sure - I'd been accepted to Lincoln Memorial University - DeBusk College of Osteopathic Medicine (LMU-DCOM). Sure - my marriage was rocky. Sure - I had a few close friends in my hometown that I would sorely miss when the time came for me to move to greener pastures. Sure - I had an undeniably large family with three precious nieces. And yes, definitely, I had hours upon hours of free time... that, in the end, I took for granted.

Now, I am an OMS-0.5 (or an OMS-I if you want to be presumptuous) at LMU-DCOM. I'm on my way to a slightly painful divorce from my very best friend with whom I've remained as close as possible. I've made hundreds of friends in the past 5 months and have genuinely emerged from my introverted shell. I have a few new, very close friends while remaining true to my very best friends here. And now, I have the same very large family with an additional niece or nephew (v3.0) due for release in June 2010. And free time, ha. What is that? Well, I definitely couldn't tell you what it felt like before my semester ended a week ago.

There were times in the past 5 months where I've cried myself to sleep, wondering if I'd made the right decision by going to medical school. There have been times that I've wondered if I was going to even make it through the semester. There have been times that I've wondered if I was making a $60k mistake. But, there have been (MANY) times when I wouldn't want to change my life for all the money in the world. And there have definitely been countless times where I've laughed so hard I've cried, smiled so much my cheeks hurt and giggled until I felt like a 4 year old. My life is grand.

There have been a few academic setbacks as I've adjusted to the pace at which med school drives you. But I've prevailed. I've officially passed my first semester of medical school, even if not with the grades I'd expected at the beginning of the semester. But next semester, I've got it down. Right as the semester wound down, I realized my shortcomings and began to correct them.

Sexually charged mnemonics (hey, they worked). Tipton and his scooter. Toga parties. Mid-semester moving parties. Late hours in the anatomy lab and feeling famished after. Cursing my profs for their workload.. and myself for taking it for granted. $2 movies. La Esperanza and Pelanchos all. the. time. Mmm... Purple. Withdrawal from the SGA race. Drama, drama, drama. Bob-Hugs. The Vortex. Red Lights. Waffle King. Swimming. Going to bed early at 3am. Ripping a screen out and my neighbor crawling through my 2nd story window the second night I'd moved into my apartment because my crappy landlord told me to crash on someone's couch because he was too lazy to bring me a spare. Journey before every exam. The Post. The "unk." "Can you hear me in the back?" Live anatomy fashion show. "You need to stop being strong and just cry." My little blue dog.

So, so so many memories over the past 5 months and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my DCOM family. I love my girls.. my guys.. my profs and my school. And I'm proud to be an LMU-DCOM Med student and Railsplitter.

Merry Christmas to all. To my classmates: it's an honor. enjoy your break and I'll see you in the new year. To my family: I love you.. thank you so very much for supporting me throughout my endeavors. To my girls: Can't wait to see you. We'll set the place on fire.

Be blessed.

Studying in med school...

"Studying in med school is a lot like being really really drunk and then trying to have sex; you don't ever really finish, you just sort of do what you can and then pass out after awhile."

My Birthday Present from DCOM...

Today (9/22) is my birthday.

I couldn't be more excited for a multitude of reasons:

1. I'm finally getting this stuff.
2. I'm happy and surrounded by tons of wonderful people.
3. DeBusk College of Osteopathic Medicine is celebrating my birthday by giving me my first patient interaction! In about 16 hours, I get to have my first OSCE (Objective Structured Clinical Exam - or Standardized Patient). I'm SOOOO excited! I cannot wait!

Will certainly let you know how it goes.

And if you haven't noticed - it takes forever for me to update. Sigh, I just don't think about it.

Plenty to write about... but it's going to the wayside at the moment.

The first month...

So I've survived my first four weeks of medical school.. my first written exam, my first team exam (barely), and my first lab practical. And I'm thriving. I love it here. I love every single thing I'm learning. Perhaps a bit of it is aggravating simply because of the professor's methodology, but overall I'm doing quite well.

We haven't received our exam grades, but I feel pretty confident about them. I'm either right or I'm waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off and I totally tanked it.

The brachial plexus is amazing... and histology is certainly not my favorite. I'd have to say that my favorite classes are anatomy and osteopathic principles and practice. :)

I've met tons and tons of people here.. some pretty awesome people.. many different backgrounds and ethnicities -- people from every region of the country.

I'm staying incredibly busy between school work and going to walmart - it's the only thing to do here! Small town = nothing. But that's a good thing!

I'm going home this weekend for the first time since before school started. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I think I'd rather stay here. I don't really have a terrible amount of studying to do, but I think I just like being here and on my own so much that I'd rather stay. BUT it will be good to see my nieces and family.

I'm having car issues... which is such a burden. I think if I hadn't had problems with it this weekend, I would have done a bit better on my lab practical 'cause I would have been able to focus on studying for it. Instead I was worrying about purchasing a new car or getting mine fixed. The ECM went out on it and it's going to cost $1000 for the part. I only have $3000 invested in the car, so.. I think it would be more logical to purchase a new one. BUT... since I'm a medical student and I have no reportable income, no one will finance a vehicle for me. Sigh.. My car drives okay for now.. but who knows when it will give out? That's the only thing frustrating me right now.

Hm.. I don't really have much more to say.. White Coat is a month from today! My first OSCE (Objective structured clinical examination) is on my birthday, which is in less than a month. I get to go home and practice my clinical skills this weekend. That's exciting! I'm not entirely comfortable with practicing on people that I don't know as well. Obviously, that has to change... but I'm easing into it. :)

Goodnight and good luck!

Today...

I officially became a medical student at DeBusk College of Osteopathic Medicine at Lincoln Memorial University.

Today.. I received my ID, parking tag and some kickass swag.
Today.. I received a piece of paper stating my present indebtedness. ((gasp))
Today.. I was recognized by the Dean of Students as one of the first accepted to the class of 2013.
Today.. I met a lot of neat people from completely varying backgrounds.
Today.. I was fitted for my White Coat and stood in a mirror with it on. I nearly cried.
Today.. I was told by DCOM's benefactor, Pete DeBusk, that the next few years would be like trying to drink from a fire hose.

Today.. I said, "Bring it on. This is my blessing and I'm ready for it."

So here's to my calling.. and becoming a medical student. :)

It's almost here...

So, the last time that I posted was in April... and I still had a few months to go before school started.. I was dealing with financial aid issues at the time.

Welp, I have those straightened out.. and I have an apartment.. and nearly 60k in loans.... and...

School starts in 9 days.

Yeah, I'm incredibly overwhelmed. I'm nervous.. anxious.. excited. I can't wait to see what this adventure entails, but at the same time, I'm afraid of all the changes I am making to my life. Change isn't something that I deal with very easily right now.. but I'm working on it.

There have been many hardships over the past few months... and still more that I have to face. But I'm getting there. One day at a time. That's all that I can do.

Wow, well.. here's to this rollercoaster. Hopefully I'll start blogging more once I have more interesting things to blog about. :)

Ghosts from the past...

I always knew my past would come back to haunt me. Always.

When I was 18, I ran off with a boy in the military and got married against everyone's wishes. We moved to California, bought a car, lived on base and all that jazz. He was deployed to Iraq and came back to father three children (none of which were mine) prior to our divorce. During the time that he spent sewing his seed, he defaulted on the car loan (I was not in possession of it) that I had cosigned on. That's been five years ago.

Well.. now, when my life is semi-on track, it comes back to bite me. Right on the ass. I applied for my Grad PLUS loans, which will help to cover cost of living while I'm in school this year... and my credit wasn't automatically approved. I was notified that my credit would be reviewed and action would be taken based upon the decision. Fail. My entire cost of living is in that loan..

I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm annoyed. I'm disappointed. And I'm doubting myself. I'm doubting that this is my path. My mistakes are so many but I have always prevailed despite them. Until now.. But what now? and WHY now? why couldn't it have bit me on the butt when I was going through the rest of my life?

And my mom, bless her, isn't the most optimistic person. She's the queen of demotivation. I told her yesterday that it was based on a credit check and I was worried about his car being on there. "You're screwed." she said. Thanks, mom.

So, now I'm lost. I don't know what to do. Waiting is always the hardest.. but I already know they'll say no. I guess I am screwed.

Reality

No, I'm not dreaming.

This is real.

I'm going to med school. I'm going to be a doctor. W-o-W.

I received my matriculation packet in the mail yesterday. Holy cow. Gotta get on the ball. School starts at the end of July and my white coat ceremony is the weekend following my birthday! (yay!)

Now, I just have to figure everything else out...

That's going to be the not-so-fun part.

to HPSP or no?

I've been struggling with this.... (joining the NAVY for the HPSP program.)

Particularly today.

I can't decide whether or not the monetary benefits, prestige, and stability are worth it. It's an excellent opportunity. When I was in San Diego, I had to go to the Naval Hospital and I absolutely loved the staff there. I always thought it would be "cool" to be a Navy doc. But now that I have the opportunity to do it, there's one thing standing in my way.

I don't mind being told what to do or where to go, as long as I have a slight bit of say in it (choosing my specialty). I don't mind the unlikely possibility of going on a GMO tour. I don't mind base housing or military pay or any of the military life stigmas, because I've experienced it firsthand already. In fact, I'd love to join and live in officer housing as opposed to enlisted. I'd love to travel the world. I'd love to help those military wives who (as I briefly experienced firsthand before my ex came back and fathered three children, none obviously with me) endure so very much and receive so very little in return. That would be an honor.

I had been pretty gung-ho about it until this evening. My parents are staying with my brother and sister in law out of town in order to help my SIL out with the kids while my brother finishes up an important project. I have to go down and feed the animals while they are away. I went down today and my mom had left me a note. She gave me a list of instructions (water plants, put the mail on the bed, etc) and the last was "Always keep in your heart that I love you." And I seriously lost it.

I'm so close to my parents and it's so hard to imagine that I'll be leaving them. I'd give up anything just to make sure that they are cared for. My mom turned 68 this year and my dad turned 76. I don't know how much time I have left with them. They are at least somewhat healthy, but both have their problems.

If I remained a civilian, I would have more flexibility with my internship and residency as well as my location after completion. I will also have accrued approximately $250,000 in debt. I could work for a rural program in my family's area which would help some with loan forgiveness/repayment. But, I would be closer to my parents and have the ability to be near them in the event of illness. Not to mention the ability to take a leave of absence if necessary.

If I were to go the NAVY route, I would have very little flexibility with location of my internship/residency (one of ~3 sites - VA, MD and CA). Once I went active duty after my residency, I could be stationed in one of a plethora of beautiful places, but it is likely that I would have very little say in where I went. The kicker here is that I would be absolutely, positively debt free. But, it would be very difficult (if even possible) to take an emergency leave of absence if the need were to arise.

So, I don't know. Sometimes I wish I could just give up everything and move back with them and take care of them. They're by no means helpless, but I'd do anything for them. Anything. Here I am. Stuck, again, between a rock and a hard place. If anyone has any advice for me, I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm so lost right now.

How this happened...

I'm incredibly surprised at the events of the past few months. Here's my story. You might be surprised, too.

I received my B.S. in Biology/Chemistry in May 2007. I decided that the quick fix to finding a job in this area with a Biology degree was to get my license to teach. So, I got married in October 2007 and started my licensure requirements in January 2008. It wasn't bad, really. But, it wasn't good, either. There was no challenge to the classes. It wasn't fulfilling. I had so much more to offer to the community and to myself. I trudged on through spring and summer semester, but at the end of the summer, I was spent. I was tired of the classwork -- busy work, lack of respect, and all the red tape and politics that education entails. I decided I would get my M.S. in Biology and eventually my Ph.D. in Environmental Science. I got the ball rolling by setting up interviews with a few potential graduate advisors.

The final advisor I was to meet with, Dr. B, was a wonderful, exuberant man with whom I shared a lot of common interests. During our interview, he asked me, "After all this is said and done, and you've received your Ph.D., what is your ultimate goal?" My gut reaction was, "I want to help people." I wrestled with this for a minute, How can you help people with a Ph.D. in Enviro Sci, Hope? The answer was, I can't. I can't make the impact that I believe I can make. In the end, I responded to him with, "I want to help." Leave off the "people" and it sounds good to a biology advisor, right? But in my mind, I knew that wasn't what I should be doing.

Having had this conversation left me confused because I knew that my ultimate goals could not be achieved with a Ph.D. in environmental. So, I sat down and IMed with a friend that is in medical school about my dilemma. He recommended that I apply to medical school. I had all the pre-req's. I'm smart. I'm compassionate - why not? It's something I'd always considered, but never had enough confidence.

So, in early August 2008, I decided to take the MCAT and apply to school.

This is where I was confronted with a dilemma. My parents are elderly. I'm very, very close to them and a terrible worrywart. So, I had to find schools that are relatively close. When you live in the middle of Tennessee, your closest options are ETSU (Quillen), Vanderbilt (pfft), and UTHSC in Memphis. Applying this late in the season really didn't give me much of a chance for those three schools. But, I applied anyway. At that point, I had been in the camp of people who believe D.O.s are lesser counterparts to M.D.s, so I didn't think about D.O. school. At least for a week or two. My old Organic prof/pre-med advisor suggested a couple of relatively close Osteopathic schools (Pikeville, West Virginia, DeBusk and Edward Via). What the heck. I needed to see what all the hype was about. Surely a D.O. couldn't be as good as a M.D.? Right? Way, way, way wrong.

I researched the role of a D.O. and was completely blown away. Imagine this - they actually care about their patients. They listen to them. They consider the whole body, rather than the symptoms. They get the exact same education as a M.D. aaaand, they get this really cool tool added to their toolbelt called Osteopathic Manipulative Technique (OMT). In essence, OMT is manipulation of the bones and muscles similar to chiropractic treatment but much less intense. I was all in. I was hooked. Osteopathy, I decided, was perfect for me. So I applied through AACOMAS to two D.O. schools, Lincoln Memorial University - DeBusk College of Osteopathic Medicine (LMU-DCOM) and Virginia Tech, Edward Via Virginia College of Osteopathic Medicine (VCOM).

I took the MCAT on September 6th. One of the last dates you could take the MCAT. The entire month of August, I studied my brains out. I went through an entire Kaplan MCAT book in a month, had provisional materials and a whole bunch of other books on subjects (specifically Physics) in which I was a bit deficient. I walked out of the MCAT feeling as if I'd received a lobotomy, but I was relieved. I was done with the MCAT and all it entailed.

After I had taken the MCAT, I met with my pre-professional advisor and he gave me some information on the Universities that would be coming to talk to the pre-med students at my Alma Mater. One of the visitors was Dr. Jonathan Leo of DeBusk College of Osteopathic Medicine. He was to visit our school on October 7th, the same day that I received my MCAT results.

So, I got in my Sunday Best, went to the school and bombarded him with questions about the school while all of the little froshies sat back in amazement. I wasn't afraid. I was excited and intrigued by the school. It was close, with excellent, brand new facilities and so high tech it would blow your socks off. I spoke with him again after his lecture and he told me to get my secondary in as soon as possible.

I received my MCAT score later that evening. I was quite disappointed. I made a 23P, and was told by fellow med students that it wasn't that bad. I sent in my Supplemental to DCOM a few days later, four to be exact (on a Saturday). It took me a while to regain my composure after I received my score. I swear I thought I did better than that. The following Thursday, at 8 a.m., I received a phone call from a number with no caller ID. I couldn't hear anyone on the other line, so I hung up. This happened twice. I dismissed it as a wrong number or a prank caller and went about my day. At 10 a.m., I checked my e-mail and had an e-mail from Amy (I love Amy, she's dealt with so much from me) in admissions at DCOM. She wanted to set up an interview (!!) and asked me to call her. My heart was racing as I talked to her. We set up the interview short notice for the following Monday (10/20).

Monday came and my interview was wonderful. The night before, I met with some DCOM students at Oasis (a local pizza dive). I wasn't worried. I wasn't nervous. Being at DCOM just felt... right. The next day, I was likely the most calm person in the room as the other students practiced breathing techniques and rambled on nervously about their ECs and their Alma Maters. My interview with Drs. Routman and Fitzovich went off without a hitch. We chatted about Halloween ad all sorts of things, and when the interview was over, I felt as if I'd known these wonderful gentlemen for years. That was nice. We toured the facilities, which were above and beyond the pictures that the website hosts. Wow. I was in LOVE.

The drive back to my house (2 and a half hours away) was so easy. The trees were gorgeous, and the mountains. Oh, man. I loved it there. Bottom line.

I was in love with DCOM.

After I got back from DCOM, I had to go about getting my letters of recommendation (LORs) from my pre-professional committee and an Osteopathic physician. Talk about a pain. It was awful. My pre-prof committee interviewer was condescending and rude. But I made sure to straighten him out pretty quickly. It took almost 3 weeks for DCOM to received my LORs.

On November 5, I received an e-mail from Amy saying that all of my materials were in. (woo!) Adcom met the next day and I received a phone call from Dean Stowers at 4 p.m. on Friday. He offered me a spot in the incoming class!

So, here I am. Fixing to make a deposit on the biggest change of my life. I've received rejection letters from all of my allopathic schools. Oh, darn. Hate it. And I have withdrawn my application from VCOM. I'm ready for DCOM. Beyond ready.

After seeing tremendous amounts of unconcerned, greedy, selfish doctors in the past 24 years, my motto is simple. Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." And that is what I hope to do.